Its been a while since I blogged. I'm a little nervous. Last time I tried, pipes burst in my living room. It was a disaster. This is likely to be long one, so unless you speed read, possibly get some popcorn and beverage.
Dating
I'm 43.......I don't feel it, but it's a fact of life. I was born in 1971, during the age of those grainy films, slightly faster on projection than real (or is it Reel! ha! I digress) life, where everything has a off hue of yellow. I grew up in the 80's and early adulthood was in the 90's. I am divorced.
I'm sure its all perception, but I feel relegated to the bottom of the pile. I'm not ugly, but I have a little silver going on. I don't have the "chin" anymore, but I have a second one starting to help out. I would put myself in the category of average. I'm a nice guy, admittedly I have been a complete asshole in the past to a number of really great women. I have been used and tossed to the curb myself. Happens. It's called Karma.
Apparently dating in your 40's is a lot more complicated than in your 20's. I'm not a Bar Star and I am not looking for a "hook-up', friend with benefits, etc. People just don't "meet" anymore, in a store or other similar setting and seem quite terrified when you speak to them in public, trying to encourage a little small talk. "Hi","Can I help with that", and other conversation that may lead to, oh, I don't know.... an actual introduction.
As I have been told over and over, "go online". I have been extremely resistant to the notion. I have posted ads a few years ago, and I even met a really great lady....she intimidated the shit out of me. She was independent, successful, stunningly pretty, we seemed to have a good time, and then I'm pretty sure I fucked that up (subconsciously deliberate perhaps) but she went away on vacation, I went off to work and our messaging just stopped......really, I can't remember who messaged last. She was in Europe, and I was out of cell service and no Internet. Sucks to be me. She was a lot of fun.
Anyways, a number of years ago, I spent an inordinate amount of time filling out the questionnaire on eHarmony. I never got past the questionnaire. Being separated means, they "can;t help you at this time". Nothing like making you feel like damaged goods. I get why, but how shitty is that?
So I tried online dating recently, again, and was horrified by the results. I.......I......was left speechless. I get it, everybody is different and you need to not judge a book by it's cover, but if the cover isn't interesting why would you open it. Seriously. I guess I must appear desperate by online dating. I'm not, but it'd be nice to date/have a relationship, however.......if ONLY your mother says your pretty....your not. If the cover looks good, then I'll check out the first chapter.
Maybe I seem shallow. I'm not, but I have to be attracted to you. You have to be attracted to me. It's a two way street I understand. Different strokes of different folks I guess, being single that's pretty much the only way to liven it up (yeah, OK, that was kinda icky,but you laughed...some of you did anyways). There are some people out there I find attractive that others do not. I don't care about their opinions, I'm not going to date someone because someone said "dude! she's hot!". Maybe she is, maybe she's not. I don't have any typical type I'm looking for, I am not attracted to really big girls though, nor stick insects or natural redheads. I'm sure they're all really nice, I know a lot of them that are fantastic but the angels aren't singing. I'm not attracted to bearded ladies or women with three breasts either. I'm sure someone is. Its not you, it's me not being into you.
I also realise I'm not attractive to everybody either. I know a person I chased for years many years back, and yes, I think she's freakin' awesome. She's very pretty, we have a great time together, but it just isn't going to happen. I respect that. For those of you who know me, it isn't who you think......yes, you'll guess all night long. Nope...not it.
I've had people say "Yeah, she's okay." or "you think she's good looking?". Obviously, if I'm dating then, yes, I think she's the freakin' bomb, you twat.
Tall, short, curvy, average, blond, brunette, dyed, inked (tatts are kinda hot actually,) not fussy. What usually gets me...(I had to analyse this carefully)...what really gets me......eyes. You can suck me in and set your little sparkly stars on stun and I will turn to a puddle. Really. You can see everything in eyes, they tell a tale.
I don't know why I'm rambling on, why I even posted this. I don't know what women think of men in their 40's, divorced. I get the impression it's not all that stellar. Oh well.
A few other things which more pertain specifically to me. I can't tell if your flirting or not, unless it's painfully, painfully obvious. This can be a barrier. Hindsight has shown me that on a large number of occasions someone has been flirting (even obviously, or so they thought) and wooooooooossssssh, that jet flew right over my head. Flirters...bring a hammer.
I'm not good at small talk. Right abut the time weather talk comes up, its strikes me as over before it began.
I have my opinions, beliefs and ideas. You have yours. I respect yours, please respect mine. I'm stubborn, so debating or belittling isn't going to go anywhere.
I have a past. I don't live there anymore. You learn, you move on. Live in the present (you can't live anywhere else, time travel is just not feasible). I do not want to, nor will try to sleep with on on the first date, I'm not a boy-toy or a player. I have enough "notches on my belt". How many? Don't ask questions you don't want an evasive answer to. You can't handle the truth. I've seen naked ladies and all their 2000 parts. I am not in a panic. I like sex, pretty sure you'll like it too. You probably have a past, unless your a replicant. I don't care really except if you've been convicted of murder or sex crime. If you want to tell me your past, that's your business. I want to know about you, in the present.
I'm a good kisser. I am. I know it. You may or may not be, if your not, cover and contents may be excellent but we not getting into anymore chapters. Just a quirky rule for me. Kissing's easy....settle down there.
I love my Son more than anything....ever. I have room for you too without any doubt, I am devoted but don't ever expect me to choose. It rhymes with "you lose".
I don't cheat. If you think I do, allude to it, accuse me of it....this isn't going to work out. If you do, there's the door. Good-bye. We are done now.
If you hang up on me. I WILL NOT call you back. Period. It means we have nothing more to talk about. NOTHING. I have clearly s stated this with people I'm dating, they have laughed it off. They have found out I'm not kidding.
I don't get jealous. Your with me or your not. I don't...don't try to make me, don't take advantage of that either. Its easy to be "done here".
I don't argue. I'm too old and its too tiring and its not productive. we can disagree, we can debate, but I don't argue. I'm past that. Get as mad as you want, I'm only going to drive you to annoyance. Make-up sex is acceptable. I like sex.
I have very difficult, solid, emotional barriers. Its not you its me. If your patient, you get in. P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. I am not marrying you next month. Do not suggest "here's a house we can buy together" or otherwise rush me. Otherwise, it'll be "nothing but the tail lights". I'm not keeping baggage, I just not packing them for a trip down fucked over lane.
I don't think these things are bad traits. I suppose I have to get to the start with a lady for her to discover the wonderfully charming person that I am. I'm not liking the options out there. Dating will scare the crap out of me....It isn't going to happen if jabba the hut keeps messaging me.
