Rattling noises in the attic...-

Its been a while since I blogged. I'm a little nervous. Last time I tried, pipes burst in my living room. It was a disaster. This is likely to be long one, so unless you speed read, possibly get some popcorn and beverage.

Dating

I'm 43.......I don't feel it, but it's a fact of life. I was born in 1971, during the age of those grainy films, slightly faster on projection than real (or is it Reel! ha! I digress) life, where everything has a off hue of yellow. I grew up in the 80's and early adulthood was in the 90's. I am divorced.

I'm sure its all perception, but I feel relegated to the bottom of the pile. I'm not ugly, but I have a little silver going on. I don't have the "chin" anymore, but I have a second one starting to help out. I would put myself in the category of average. I'm a nice guy, admittedly I have been a complete asshole in the past to a number of really great women. I have been used and tossed to the curb myself. Happens. It's called Karma.

Apparently dating in your 40's is a lot more complicated than in your 20's. I'm not a Bar Star and I am not looking for a "hook-up', friend with benefits, etc. People just don't "meet" anymore, in a store or other similar setting and seem quite terrified when you speak to them in public, trying to encourage a little small talk. "Hi","Can I help with that", and other conversation that may lead to, oh, I don't know.... an actual introduction.

As I have been told over and over, "go online". I have been extremely resistant to the notion. I have posted ads a few years ago, and I even met a really great lady....she intimidated the shit out of me. She was independent, successful, stunningly pretty, we seemed to have a good time, and then I'm pretty sure I fucked that up (subconsciously deliberate perhaps) but she went away on vacation, I went off to work and our messaging just stopped......really, I can't remember who messaged last. She was in Europe, and I was out of cell service and no Internet. Sucks to be me. She was a lot of fun.

Anyways, a number of years ago, I spent an inordinate amount of time filling out the questionnaire on eHarmony. I never got past the questionnaire. Being separated means, they "can;t help you at this time". Nothing like making you feel like damaged goods. I get why, but how shitty is that?

So I tried online dating recently, again, and was horrified by the results. I.......I......was left speechless. I get it, everybody is different and you need to not judge a book by it's cover, but if the cover isn't interesting why would you open it. Seriously. I guess I must appear desperate by online dating. I'm not, but it'd be nice to date/have a relationship, however.......if ONLY your mother says your pretty....your not. If the cover looks good, then I'll check out the first chapter.

Maybe I seem shallow. I'm not, but I have to be attracted to you. You have to be attracted to me. It's a two way street I understand. Different strokes of different folks I guess, being single that's pretty much the only way to liven it up (yeah, OK, that was kinda icky,but you laughed...some of you did anyways). There are some people out there I find attractive that others do not. I don't care about their opinions, I'm not going to date someone because someone said "dude! she's hot!". Maybe she is, maybe she's not. I don't have any typical type I'm looking for, I am not attracted to really big girls though, nor stick insects or natural redheads. I'm sure they're all really nice, I know a lot of them that are fantastic but the angels aren't singing. I'm not attracted to bearded ladies or women with three breasts either. I'm sure someone is. Its not you, it's me not being into you.

I also realise I'm not attractive to everybody either. I know a person I chased for years many years back, and yes, I think she's freakin' awesome. She's very pretty, we have a great time together, but it just isn't going to happen. I respect that. For those of you who know me, it isn't who you think......yes, you'll guess all night long. Nope...not it.

I've had people say "Yeah, she's okay." or "you think she's good looking?". Obviously, if I'm dating then, yes, I think she's the freakin' bomb, you twat.

 Tall, short, curvy, average, blond, brunette, dyed, inked (tatts are kinda hot actually,) not fussy. What usually gets me...(I had to analyse this carefully)...what really gets me......eyes. You can suck me in and set your little sparkly stars on stun and I will turn to a puddle. Really. You can see everything in eyes, they tell a tale.

I don't know why I'm rambling on, why I even posted this. I don't know what women think of men in their 40's, divorced. I get the impression it's not all that stellar. Oh well.

A few other things which more pertain specifically to me. I can't tell if your flirting or not, unless it's painfully, painfully obvious. This can be a barrier. Hindsight has shown me that on a large number of occasions someone has been flirting (even obviously, or so they thought) and wooooooooossssssh, that jet flew right over my head. Flirters...bring a hammer.

I'm not good at small talk. Right abut the time weather talk comes up, its strikes me as over before it began.

I have my opinions, beliefs and ideas. You have yours. I respect yours, please respect mine. I'm stubborn, so debating or belittling isn't going to go anywhere.

I have a past. I don't live there anymore. You learn, you move on. Live in the present (you can't live anywhere else, time travel is just not feasible). I do not want to, nor will try to sleep with on on the first date, I'm not a boy-toy or a player. I have enough "notches on my belt". How many? Don't ask questions you don't want an evasive answer to. You can't handle the truth.  I've seen naked ladies and all their 2000 parts. I am not in a panic. I like sex, pretty sure you'll like it too. You probably have a past, unless your a replicant. I don't care really except if you've been convicted of murder or sex crime. If you want to tell me your past, that's your business. I want to know about you, in the present.

I'm a good kisser. I am. I know it. You may or may not be, if your not, cover and contents may be excellent but we not getting into anymore chapters. Just a quirky rule for me. Kissing's easy....settle down there.

I love my Son more than anything....ever. I have room for you too without any doubt, I am devoted but don't ever expect me to choose. It rhymes with "you lose".

I don't cheat. If you think I do, allude to it, accuse me of it....this isn't going to work out. If you do, there's the door. Good-bye. We are done now.

If you hang up on me. I WILL NOT call you back. Period. It means we have nothing more to talk about. NOTHING. I have clearly s stated this with people I'm dating, they have laughed it off. They have found out I'm not kidding.

I don't get jealous. Your with me or your not. I don't...don't try to make me, don't take advantage of that either. Its easy to be "done here".

I don't argue. I'm too old and its too tiring and its not productive. we can disagree, we can debate, but I don't argue. I'm past that. Get as mad as you want, I'm only going to drive you to annoyance. Make-up sex is acceptable. I like sex.

I have very difficult, solid, emotional barriers. Its not you its me. If your patient, you get in. P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. I am not marrying you next month. Do not suggest "here's a house we can buy together" or otherwise rush me. Otherwise, it'll be "nothing but the tail lights". I'm not keeping baggage, I just not packing them for a trip down fucked over lane.

I don't think these things are bad traits. I suppose I have to get to the start with a lady for her to discover the wonderfully charming person that I am. I'm not liking the options out there. Dating will scare the crap out of me....It isn't going to happen if jabba the hut keeps messaging me.

I wonder who will blink first

Oh, those Russians....North Koreans.

Growing up the most frightening thing about something called a Korean War was whether Hawkeye was going to make Frank Burns eat worms. As a person theoretically became educated he learned it was a "police action", then conflict and so on, but really it was a war, never really ended, only a truce or armistice, no winner or loser, just an opportunity for several large belligerents to walk away because there wasn't going to be a winner, whistling in innocence hoping "nobody saw that".


North Korea wasn't then, hasn't been since, and can't seriously expect now to get what they want. Honestly I'm not even sure what that is, unification I suppose is a possibility, but after 60 years do they even know? Their older politicians military leaders, that still function, couldn't possibly have been seriously old enough to serve in the original conflict. I could be wrong about that, but I haven't read anything about child soldiers in North Korea and I've been reading a lot lately. I believe potentially the North Korean military has been pushing propaganda so long and so much they may actually believe what they're selling. That's the purpose of propaganda, I just can't see how their "elite" even buy it. I don't think the South Koreans for one minute are prepared to give up their lifestyle for their Northern Kin. (or is that Kim). So it strikes me as ludicrous they continue their charade, the don't have to save face...nothing has fucking happened in 60 years...well, not much.

So, their fearless penultimate everloving protector of the good and righteous leader is 28 (best guess) years old. No one can actually confirm this age...its a state secret. So, Lil' Kim "puddin bowl" Jong Un has to prove himself I guess, not sure to who...other North Koreans I suppose..because I seriously don't think the rest of the world cares who's in charge, they just wonder "WTF now..." on semi regular basis. No matter who is in charge, Lil' Kim or his belated pops, or his belated pops...they're like the kid on the block who has no friends because he's.....stupid and yet tries to do everything to get attention, from poor attempts at bullying, threatening, throwing rocks to stamping his feet and throwing a tantrum. They sooo badly want to be taken seriously that you can't, buuuuuuut you'd better. Dude's got Nukes...like 4...smaller than Hiroshima, but he's got 'em. Huh. That can't be good. They're too big to fit in a ballistic missile, so he's gonna....watch a few more Bugs Bunny Cartoons and see if that wacky coyote has any delivery ideas.

So, this has concerned Asia and the US, with some stern finger wagging and a good tongue lashing from various other armchair nations around the Globe. (I'm just surprised Stephen Harper has said something "condemning" or equally wishy washy.) The US has ordered up another 16 ICBM interceptors for the West Coast, just in time for 2017. Then they'll have 40 of the darn things.....coolio. 4 nukes, 40 interceptors...0 delivery systems. Hmmmmmmm. Okay, lets say it'll take the DPRK 4 years to make the weapon of usable size, something doesn't have a great track record if their expecting to need 10 interceptors per warhead. I guess they could anticipate more weapons in 4 years, I just don't know why they let them get there. I'll try to get back on track now....

So the little pot o' fudge wants to be a serious player, so he's risking being bombed back into the stone age with all his antics, after all the South Korean PM has a venomous swish in her skirt and I actually think she's gonna take him out back behind the bike racks and kick him right in the goolies if he farts wrong.

I'm not totally taking the western angle on this, but really, I buy the propaganda I'm exposed too as well. I appreciate the angle the US has taken right up until recently...they ignored him...utterly. He mouthed off, they said "watch your mouth" and went about doing whatever they were doing and ignored him. He threatened, they ignored and then they went "Hey, North Korea? See this? See this B-52? Do you see the suppositories it carries...no Vaseline dude". yeah, that helped. They actually tweeted the picture. In kind of  an obnoxious style, it was amusing, but then do the DPRK elite have twitter? The deliberate leak of the flights was definitely propaganda, for our benefit I'm sure, ....The flights are regular anyways, they're still at war, been that way for 60 years. Letting us know they are paying attention to the stupid annoying fat kid and his antics but really really trying not to care (or bomb him back into the Stone Age). Probably good I'm not in charge of a world power. I would have.

So now, tensions rise, as typically they do every 6 months or so, just really high right now. It'll either stay this way or someones gotta blink. Can't be the DPRK....they gotta rep in 'hood (its their own hood, and they're the only ones who care) but they'll never be taken seriously. EVER. Can't be the Western agents of enormous satanic prophecies....or they'll have been pushed over by the fat kid and everyone will do it and no one will take them seriously either.

Who blinks first? Place your bets, place your bets.......bets are closed, spin the wheel!

Canada, Canadians and American Politics

This is a little disjointed diatribe that's been in the making for bit. Sorry. Poor Marks for clear thought and organization.

Recently, the Americans had an election. You may remember the Americans, they are the tenants in our basement. Canadians, being the loud vociferous bunch of hooligans that we are, were captivated (unfortunately) by the going's on down under and not the happy kind either.

Social networking took off, debate by town hall debate, cheap shot by cheap shot and finally the election night results which for some reason captivated people across this nation, not the United States, but upstairs on the main floor, here in Canada. I fail to see why. that election didn't do anything for me but disturb any viewing "pleasure" I might have gleaned from any channel I wished to watch on television...even the movie channels were showing "The American President", "the Presidents Men", etc, etc and much to my amusement "Resident Evil: The Apocalypse" which was surely on a conservative right wing channel.

Why do we care? I have no idea. Contrary to the uneducated, misinformed much hyped belief that we will fall "if Rome falls", it doesn't work that way. That's like........cold war shit....really. A large number of Candians took from my unscientific, completely guideless poll an astounding interest in the American politics and compared with our own federal politics, it was night and day. Status updates flew with state by state poll closing, over anxious and early election "predictions" that not even Karnac  the Magnificent would have made. (If you don't know who Karnac is...Google it).

I think it was clear, most Canadians preferred a democrat in the White House, wel,l Obama anyways. My own honest opinion, he was going to win....he could have been Achmed the Dead terrorist, because the election wasn't about issues, it was strictly a popularity vote. Now, don't write your fucking letters and whine like little bitches that you think  I was looking at Mittens for the win. I wasn't. I'm sure he's got binders full of ideas, but he should go back to school and learn something. He wasn't ready, he said stupid shit, he talked so much like a politician he confused himself. He didn't have clue.

Having said that, President Obama is still running on the "it's time for the minority to play". He didn't run on issues, and EVERY SINGLE NETWORK and analyst said it. "he's back in, now he needs to make a game plan". Ummmmm, 'scuse me but.......shouldn't you have a plan in action before you get started. Whatever. Yet, he gets the praises not on employment, economic growth...but he's Barack Obama and by god we can have four more years of something, we aren't sure what. I think Canadians like him 'casue he came here once and doesn't think "canadians are scary" (look it up on youtube).It took him four years but he killed one terrorist and brought in healthcare "reform", which depending on who you ask has little to no effect . For those of you who think we have universal healthcare in this country.....why do we pay extened health benefits from insurance companies? I digress.

Then there's Donald Trump. I think he's off his meds.

I live in Canada. I don't care too much about down there. It's nice place to visit. Up here we have an remarkably unremarkable Prime Minister (or is he?), who in his droll, boring and generaly demure manner has been busy. He's been busy pouncing around the Globe actually insulting other nations with his "look at me! We have economic growth in MY country! Get your shit together in yours". He said that (not exactly word for word, but in political speak to several nations now), including the tenants downstairs. India, China, Greece, the UK, France. Good on ya, whatever-your-name-is. It's about time we had a politician stand up and give the big f.u. to other nations around the world. I don't care who is was that did it, but it kinda makes me proud, even if the growth is slightly skewed and not really as spastic as touted in the press for the average Canadian Hooligan.

Generaly over all, I would rather watch Wolf Blitzer rapidly raise the excitement over Ma and Pa kettle from Five Forks, South Dakota (and their dog Muffy) who have exited the polling station and are hitching up the team to head back to the ranch, comparing their vote to "hisotrically never wrong information" and did their vote count??????? Tune in true believers, in ten minutes we will check what the Inca's wrote about 500 years ago..and then we'll know.

It is infinately more interesting than listening to Peter Mansbridge, who couldn't find the excitement in a Rob Ford/Christy Clark boxing match, and eventually compare it to the Queen and Sarah Ferguson...somehow, someway.

I'm a reformist, I finally admit it. Our parlimentary system doesn't allow accoutability. We even have a senator, who's daughter has power of attorney over his daily affairs, because unfortunately he has ever increasing senility/dementia. He gets to vote on which laws get passed, because its a lifetime APPOINTMENT, NOT an election. Oh.....good.

No checks and balances in this country....not anymore.

Downstairs, the neighbours elect them all...ALL...congress, senate, presidents....constant checks and balances...constant. It might seem a little harsh and it's a pretty basic summary, but of you want to get things done, it's salesmanship (even if you have to buy the bastard...it is politics after all) to get the ISSUES dealt with. You have to sell it to the Senate, you have to sell it to Congress, you have to sell it to the people. We don't do that here. Maybe that's why people were so worried (?????Why I'll never know????) Romnoid was going to get elected. Maybe people are worried THEY aren't the tenants in the basement....maybe WE are the people in the attic.

Stand up for yourselves. Stand up for this country. Stop worrying about the folks downstairs. Get your feet on the main floor. Pay attention to OUR country. We will have an election soon enough. Make sure you know your issues, or failing that, on election night just send bejewelled request so I can ignore them and not feel like I stepping on your souls.

I'm not perfect,not always up to date on the topics at all times (it's actually pretty smooth right now, for me anyways) but you can be sure they don't care downstairs what the fuck is going on up here, why should we care about down there. If they get nosy...we can just sic Rick Mercer on them 'cause he's goddamn funny.

There's perfect roads for driving, and such a thing as too much perfume.

Recently, I was driving with the top down on The Jeep. A slightly breeze blowing west east, sunny and not a bad day. Cruising around this metropolis can be done in a reasonably short amount of time and at a reasonable speed (50km/h unless otherwise.....you get the idea). So, a person, a reasonable  person, would expect to maybe smell the poplars blowing, the fresh cut grass, even that early fall kinda musty smell...not unpleasant, not overpowering, just sort of natural.

A reasonable person would not expect to be driving at 50km/h, pass a pedestrian walking on the sidewalk 10 to 15 feet away, crosswind and be overwhelmed with perfume from said pedestrian. I guess it would have been mildly tolerable if it had been an isolated incident, but apparently the french whore festival was in town and it was everywhere.

Really? Really. Apparently it's all the rage here. Perhaps, just perhaps, they're covering the eau de booze from the night before, but showering usually works.

It's not attractive. Its not an attractant. It has just become a repellent. Not even a bee could stand up to that. I realise from time to time I have overdosed myself with cologne, it happens, usually when I'm not paying attention, but I will attempt to fix the problem.

Just sayin'. It's just not fucking done that way....It's just not.

Vegens, vegetarians....homeopathy for the food-challenged

I had the "pleasure" of working with a vegetarian yesterday. It was fine until he made his thoughts known. It didn't go well from there. We were, correction I was, driving past a field of cattle, lots of calfs, male and female, lots of cows and a bull (sort of a surly looking big bugger too...). I commented at the calfs frolicking in the field. "Hey now, stop that. Walk, don't run....stay tender." You'd think I shot his dog. After vociferously letting his view known about how that was mean, blah, blah, blah...we shouldn't eat them, yada, yada,yada, of course I couldn't resist starting on something that went with "especially veal, which obviously these aren't...they're running about". He had probably crucified my with nails made of carrots given the chance, so I continued to listen to diatribe with an ever growing grin. He said "how'd you like to be locked in pen unable to move and then at a young age taken out and killed". Well, it sort of went like this....

"I have driven cattle, branded cattle, castrated cattle (even been shown castrators by a father of a girl I once dated but that's another story). They are stubborn, stupid, mean and ornery creatures and it's not a surprise we eat them. It called the food chain, I'm on it, reasonably high at the top. You can tell, my eyes are in the front of my head, not sticking out the sides weary of predators. You sit there and tell me it's mean, etc for us to eat them. Why? Really. Why is it mean? They were raised for food. That is their lot in life. To provide sustenance, and man being generally lazy keeps them handy, because it's a lot like work to go out and find them, thus we have a fence. They didn't have an aspiring career in law or politics, no forth coming education at Bovine U. There purpose is to feed MOST of us that enjoy diving into a tasty morsel or two of red meat.

They don't look for a way out of there fence, they're not banging on the gate with a tin cup mooing to let us be free". They're not organised Martin Luther King-like to have the free the leather bound citizens. Nope. They were born fenced, live fenced and will perish that way, providing me an additional option from which to feast. And never fear, they won't kill them all....gosh that doesn't make business sense."

I was given a queried, annoyed look. "What!?"

"Goodness no, lad. Cows make money!! Cows have calfs, calfs are worth money. Calf s grow the herd. Cows grow up. Bulls grow up. Cows make more cows and so on. Those bulls are typically what your chopping on at the grocery store, well....maybe not you, but some of us. We only eat the boys mostly, until the cows get older and more useless.."

"what!!?"

"Well, cows have calfs. If three cows have calfs the herd is now six. and so on. You can do the math in your own time. How many cows, given one calf per cow all getting preggers would it take to make a herd of 40.......well?"

"uhhh...I don't really think..."

"It takes 20, try to get into the spirit of the conversation, you started it. How many bulls does it take to make 20 cows pregnant?"

"I don't know" now reasonably disgusted, but no where to go.

"well, assuming verile and young and in the mood which they typically are, lets go with 1"

"whatever"

"So, assuming 20 calfs, bringing the herd to 40 and a profitable year for Farmer Bill, his cows produce only 5 of those calfs as male. He might keep one if his stud is getting on, but the others go to market, some get picked up as a stud, some really go from market to market, dressed and cut and wrapped in best brown paper or plastic wrap and styro if there isn't a butcher shop. from there they hit my grill."

"I don't want to not recognise your viewpoint. To each there own, eat whatever you want I could care less but don't point your finger at me. Your just as bad."

"I don't kill animals"

"I suppose, in the common reasonable viewpoint not. But, there's always a but, what about broccoli and carrots and lettuce and all the other veges?"

"what/"

"you kill them, they don't leap onto your plate with the snap of a finger do they?"

"they're not alive"

"no? So growing veges is not the development of a seed into a living thing. Do they not use air and water? are they not carbon based? Do they not have a maturity, and are they not young? Do you not pick or cut them in their prime? Do we not distinguish inferior ones from superior ones? Do you not eat the best ones and discard the inferior? "

"yeah, but it isn't a life as in a person"

"we aren't and haven't been talking about people. We are talking about moo-cows and carrots. People even have labelled the tasty ones as babies. I didn't make that up. Baby carrots are labelled that way in the store..labelled BABY CARROTS !!! Oh what a tragedy...baby killing."

"but they don't feel it. no feelings. no pain. no suffering. Your..."

"Do you know that? Have you had a chat with a cow or bull and found them to be morose and depressed? Sad about his or her impending date with the plate? I haven't. Haven't talked to a broccoli either. Think about the all the baby broccoli without parents suddenly, all the forlorn lettuce suddenly having the kids torn from them roots and all. I don't care what you think. Believe what you want. Eat what you want. But don't task me about wanting the cows to stay tender...I like Beef. I like Pork. I like whatever. I like veggies too."

"Whatever..."

"Your probably a conspiracy theorist too..."

"well, not really..."

"Wait, we'll get to that, I just want to bring up one more thing up. Suppose your right. Suppose there's a news flash all across the land and everyone immediately stops eating beef, or meat for that matter. Then what? What do we do with the critters then? Open the gates and wish them a bon voyage on their new lives? Hope they strive for education and betterment of themselves....they're free now. We don't need them. Millions of 'em.....roaming, or perhaps starting a career at the 7-11. "moooooo....can I help yoooooooou."."

"Your kind of dick tonight"

"You started it. Care to engage me on conspiracies?"

"No".

Odd things indeed.

Have you ever been driving down the road passing one of the deer crossing signs along the highway and wondered as you look at the barbwire fence "Do Deer see that? I know they can jump but...". Well. No. They don't.

Today I was driving down one of the gazillion (yes, its a word I say so) oil and gas roads and came around a bend slowing gently for a very large (and probably tasty)doe, standing on the road. It saw me, and without any real effort nor hurry bounded off the road gracefully, almost cocky and not very quickly and leap into the bushes, just behind a medium sized tree. or, so I thought. As I approached the exit point a few seconds later, I looked over to see the deer bounce back as if hitting a invisible force field, falling in a tangle of legs, annoyance, and probably humiliation. It flailed about briefly, stood up shook it's head, looked disapprovingly at me and bounced off down the fence line, finally deciding to jump over the fence. I laughed.

That was even funnier than the day a deer ran into my parked pickup at full speed. I was stunned. I wasn't moving, I was parked. Right out of the bushes and slammed into the passenger side. IT sort of trickled down the side of the truck, stood up, looked incredibly incredibly annoyed at me (as if it was my fault) and took of again into the bushes. Didn't hurt the truck. But I did have to clean the flemish, saliva-ish schmootz off my window.

I used to work at a very schmantzy hotel in Calgary. We had been frequented by celebrities, politicians, heads of state blah, blah, blah. Jeff Healy was staying with us once. He came to the desk one night asking if they're was a camera store (this was PRE digital) where they could gets some pictures developed. (????kinda puzzling but whatever??? For those of you that don't know Jeff Healy was a blind musician). I said, without thinking, not keeping in mind the blindness, I said "yes sir! If you go to the front doors and look outside to your left it's right across the street." He did.

I remember working as a bellman once, and on a particularly slow day, I was checking in a nice family, cheap, but nice. The man looked at me and said "I don't have money for a tip" I said "not a problem, I'm not so sure what I am going to do about my wife and 17 children though". He didn't skip a beat. "Learn something about birth control I suspect". I laughed. It was funny.

Another time, I asked a guest if I could help with his bags. He said "no. they can walk". His wife and I suspect mother-in-law got out of the back seat......

I had more. I've forgotten them now. Odd things....Odd things indeed.

Balsamic Vinegar and Vanilla Ice Cream

I have a refrigerator. It's not huge. It's not tiny. It's a normal size, freezer up top fridge. It's white. There isn't anything special about it. You can lean in, one hand against the door at 3am, the light casting its telltale glow about my small galley kitchen as you dig for food that "isn't there". You can hip check it closed with your hands full of veggies,bottles, meats and cheeses as you prepare to create your Dagwood for the afternoon. If you don't know what a (or who a Dagwood)is, then I'm sorry for your luck.

It doesn't rattle or moan (although it does sigh on occasion).Sometimes it's full, sometimes it's quite empty. It does keep things quite cold. The freezer works but it's kind of eenie meenie, and for one guy it can get quite full. I don't know if you've noticed but shopping for one person has some challenges in the grocery store. "BULK BUYS" and "CLUB PACKS" are all the rage, soaking the consumer to buy more and save. I do too, I just end up freezing more and thus my eenie meenie freezer can be quite full. I don't have to go to Costco to buy too much shit, but I still like Costco.

The little shelves are reasonably adjustable, except for the fridge door. They're reasonably useless for anything but....hmmmmm....letsee.....chipotle mango dipping sauce, marinated garlic, HP, Strawberry Jam, Dijon Mustard, Yellow Mustard, Sundried Tomatoes, Ketchup, Teriyaki Sauce, Worcestershire Sauce. Eggs don't fit in the egg thing, but I put my old cheddar there anyways.

I don't know. Refrigerators are like the unsung hero of the movies and television. Oh Brother! you say?. Really. Always the setup for the attack in the kitchen, the rendezvous or help carry and give life to the "kitchen party". The refrigerator took a beating in Mr & Mrs Smith and who could forget its voyeuristic role in 9 1/2 weeks. Yet it gets taken for granted, covered in magnets and notes no one reads, schedules and calendars, coupons and menus. Buried and forgotten, mistreated by miscreant teenagers who peer longingly, attracting penguins who also appear only to be slammed shut and blamed for the lack of insight into food. "There's nothing in there. There's NEVER anything in the fridge...Mom! we need groceries!!! The fridge is empty.".

I challenge you...go to your fridge and make a meal with just what you find. Leftovers don't count.

Balsamic Vinegar and Vanilla Ice Cream doesn't count either. It isn't a challenge, it's.....exquisite.