I had the "pleasure" of working with a vegetarian yesterday. It was fine until he made his thoughts known. It didn't go well from there. We were, correction I was, driving past a field of cattle, lots of calfs, male and female, lots of cows and a bull (sort of a surly looking big bugger too...). I commented at the calfs frolicking in the field. "Hey now, stop that. Walk, don't run....stay tender." You'd think I shot his dog. After vociferously letting his view known about how that was mean, blah, blah, blah...we shouldn't eat them, yada, yada,yada, of course I couldn't resist starting on something that went with "especially veal, which obviously these aren't...they're running about". He had probably crucified my with nails made of carrots given the chance, so I continued to listen to diatribe with an ever growing grin. He said "how'd you like to be locked in pen unable to move and then at a young age taken out and killed". Well, it sort of went like this....
"I have driven cattle, branded cattle, castrated cattle (even been shown castrators by a father of a girl I once dated but that's another story). They are stubborn, stupid, mean and ornery creatures and it's not a surprise we eat them. It called the food chain, I'm on it, reasonably high at the top. You can tell, my eyes are in the front of my head, not sticking out the sides weary of predators. You sit there and tell me it's mean, etc for us to eat them. Why? Really. Why is it mean? They were raised for food. That is their lot in life. To provide sustenance, and man being generally lazy keeps them handy, because it's a lot like work to go out and find them, thus we have a fence. They didn't have an aspiring career in law or politics, no forth coming education at Bovine U. There purpose is to feed MOST of us that enjoy diving into a tasty morsel or two of red meat.
They don't look for a way out of there fence, they're not banging on the gate with a tin cup mooing to let us be free". They're not organised Martin Luther King-like to have the free the leather bound citizens. Nope. They were born fenced, live fenced and will perish that way, providing me an additional option from which to feast. And never fear, they won't kill them all....gosh that doesn't make business sense."
I was given a queried, annoyed look. "What!?"
"Goodness no, lad. Cows make money!! Cows have calfs, calfs are worth money. Calf s grow the herd. Cows grow up. Bulls grow up. Cows make more cows and so on. Those bulls are typically what your chopping on at the grocery store, well....maybe not you, but some of us. We only eat the boys mostly, until the cows get older and more useless.."
"what!!?"
"Well, cows have calfs. If three cows have calfs the herd is now six. and so on. You can do the math in your own time. How many cows, given one calf per cow all getting preggers would it take to make a herd of 40.......well?"
"uhhh...I don't really think..."
"It takes 20, try to get into the spirit of the conversation, you started it. How many bulls does it take to make 20 cows pregnant?"
"I don't know" now reasonably disgusted, but no where to go.
"well, assuming verile and young and in the mood which they typically are, lets go with 1"
"whatever"
"So, assuming 20 calfs, bringing the herd to 40 and a profitable year for Farmer Bill, his cows produce only 5 of those calfs as male. He might keep one if his stud is getting on, but the others go to market, some get picked up as a stud, some really go from market to market, dressed and cut and wrapped in best brown paper or plastic wrap and styro if there isn't a butcher shop. from there they hit my grill."
"I don't want to not recognise your viewpoint. To each there own, eat whatever you want I could care less but don't point your finger at me. Your just as bad."
"I don't kill animals"
"I suppose, in the common reasonable viewpoint not. But, there's always a but, what about broccoli and carrots and lettuce and all the other veges?"
"what/"
"you kill them, they don't leap onto your plate with the snap of a finger do they?"
"they're not alive"
"no? So growing veges is not the development of a seed into a living thing. Do they not use air and water? are they not carbon based? Do they not have a maturity, and are they not young? Do you not pick or cut them in their prime? Do we not distinguish inferior ones from superior ones? Do you not eat the best ones and discard the inferior? "
"yeah, but it isn't a life as in a person"
"we aren't and haven't been talking about people. We are talking about moo-cows and carrots. People even have labelled the tasty ones as babies. I didn't make that up. Baby carrots are labelled that way in the store..labelled BABY CARROTS !!! Oh what a tragedy...baby killing."
"but they don't feel it. no feelings. no pain. no suffering. Your..."
"Do you know that? Have you had a chat with a cow or bull and found them to be morose and depressed? Sad about his or her impending date with the plate? I haven't. Haven't talked to a broccoli either. Think about the all the baby broccoli without parents suddenly, all the forlorn lettuce suddenly having the kids torn from them roots and all. I don't care what you think. Believe what you want. Eat what you want. But don't task me about wanting the cows to stay tender...I like Beef. I like Pork. I like whatever. I like veggies too."
"Whatever..."
"Your probably a conspiracy theorist too..."
"well, not really..."
"Wait, we'll get to that, I just want to bring up one more thing up. Suppose your right. Suppose there's a news flash all across the land and everyone immediately stops eating beef, or meat for that matter. Then what? What do we do with the critters then? Open the gates and wish them a bon voyage on their new lives? Hope they strive for education and betterment of themselves....they're free now. We don't need them. Millions of 'em.....roaming, or perhaps starting a career at the 7-11. "moooooo....can I help yoooooooou."."
"Your kind of dick tonight"
"You started it. Care to engage me on conspiracies?"
"No".
Sunday, 15 July 2012
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Odd things indeed.
Have you ever been driving down the road passing one of the deer crossing signs along the highway and wondered as you look at the barbwire fence "Do Deer see that? I know they can jump but...". Well. No. They don't.
Today I was driving down one of the gazillion (yes, its a word I say so) oil and gas roads and came around a bend slowing gently for a very large (and probably tasty)doe, standing on the road. It saw me, and without any real effort nor hurry bounded off the road gracefully, almost cocky and not very quickly and leap into the bushes, just behind a medium sized tree. or, so I thought. As I approached the exit point a few seconds later, I looked over to see the deer bounce back as if hitting a invisible force field, falling in a tangle of legs, annoyance, and probably humiliation. It flailed about briefly, stood up shook it's head, looked disapprovingly at me and bounced off down the fence line, finally deciding to jump over the fence. I laughed.
That was even funnier than the day a deer ran into my parked pickup at full speed. I was stunned. I wasn't moving, I was parked. Right out of the bushes and slammed into the passenger side. IT sort of trickled down the side of the truck, stood up, looked incredibly incredibly annoyed at me (as if it was my fault) and took of again into the bushes. Didn't hurt the truck. But I did have to clean the flemish, saliva-ish schmootz off my window.
I used to work at a very schmantzy hotel in Calgary. We had been frequented by celebrities, politicians, heads of state blah, blah, blah. Jeff Healy was staying with us once. He came to the desk one night asking if they're was a camera store (this was PRE digital) where they could gets some pictures developed. (????kinda puzzling but whatever??? For those of you that don't know Jeff Healy was a blind musician). I said, without thinking, not keeping in mind the blindness, I said "yes sir! If you go to the front doors and look outside to your left it's right across the street." He did.
I remember working as a bellman once, and on a particularly slow day, I was checking in a nice family, cheap, but nice. The man looked at me and said "I don't have money for a tip" I said "not a problem, I'm not so sure what I am going to do about my wife and 17 children though". He didn't skip a beat. "Learn something about birth control I suspect". I laughed. It was funny.
Another time, I asked a guest if I could help with his bags. He said "no. they can walk". His wife and I suspect mother-in-law got out of the back seat......
I had more. I've forgotten them now. Odd things....Odd things indeed.
Today I was driving down one of the gazillion (yes, its a word I say so) oil and gas roads and came around a bend slowing gently for a very large (and probably tasty)doe, standing on the road. It saw me, and without any real effort nor hurry bounded off the road gracefully, almost cocky and not very quickly and leap into the bushes, just behind a medium sized tree. or, so I thought. As I approached the exit point a few seconds later, I looked over to see the deer bounce back as if hitting a invisible force field, falling in a tangle of legs, annoyance, and probably humiliation. It flailed about briefly, stood up shook it's head, looked disapprovingly at me and bounced off down the fence line, finally deciding to jump over the fence. I laughed.
That was even funnier than the day a deer ran into my parked pickup at full speed. I was stunned. I wasn't moving, I was parked. Right out of the bushes and slammed into the passenger side. IT sort of trickled down the side of the truck, stood up, looked incredibly incredibly annoyed at me (as if it was my fault) and took of again into the bushes. Didn't hurt the truck. But I did have to clean the flemish, saliva-ish schmootz off my window.
I used to work at a very schmantzy hotel in Calgary. We had been frequented by celebrities, politicians, heads of state blah, blah, blah. Jeff Healy was staying with us once. He came to the desk one night asking if they're was a camera store (this was PRE digital) where they could gets some pictures developed. (????kinda puzzling but whatever??? For those of you that don't know Jeff Healy was a blind musician). I said, without thinking, not keeping in mind the blindness, I said "yes sir! If you go to the front doors and look outside to your left it's right across the street." He did.
I remember working as a bellman once, and on a particularly slow day, I was checking in a nice family, cheap, but nice. The man looked at me and said "I don't have money for a tip" I said "not a problem, I'm not so sure what I am going to do about my wife and 17 children though". He didn't skip a beat. "Learn something about birth control I suspect". I laughed. It was funny.
Another time, I asked a guest if I could help with his bags. He said "no. they can walk". His wife and I suspect mother-in-law got out of the back seat......
I had more. I've forgotten them now. Odd things....Odd things indeed.
Thursday, 5 July 2012
Balsamic Vinegar and Vanilla Ice Cream
I have a refrigerator. It's not huge. It's not tiny. It's a normal size, freezer up top fridge. It's white. There isn't anything special about it. You can lean in, one hand against the door at 3am, the light casting its telltale glow about my small galley kitchen as you dig for food that "isn't there". You can hip check it closed with your hands full of veggies,bottles, meats and cheeses as you prepare to create your Dagwood for the afternoon. If you don't know what a (or who a Dagwood)is, then I'm sorry for your luck.
It doesn't rattle or moan (although it does sigh on occasion).Sometimes it's full, sometimes it's quite empty. It does keep things quite cold. The freezer works but it's kind of eenie meenie, and for one guy it can get quite full. I don't know if you've noticed but shopping for one person has some challenges in the grocery store. "BULK BUYS" and "CLUB PACKS" are all the rage, soaking the consumer to buy more and save. I do too, I just end up freezing more and thus my eenie meenie freezer can be quite full. I don't have to go to Costco to buy too much shit, but I still like Costco.
The little shelves are reasonably adjustable, except for the fridge door. They're reasonably useless for anything but....hmmmmm....letsee.....chipotle mango dipping sauce, marinated garlic, HP, Strawberry Jam, Dijon Mustard, Yellow Mustard, Sundried Tomatoes, Ketchup, Teriyaki Sauce, Worcestershire Sauce. Eggs don't fit in the egg thing, but I put my old cheddar there anyways.
I don't know. Refrigerators are like the unsung hero of the movies and television. Oh Brother! you say?. Really. Always the setup for the attack in the kitchen, the rendezvous or help carry and give life to the "kitchen party". The refrigerator took a beating in Mr & Mrs Smith and who could forget its voyeuristic role in 9 1/2 weeks. Yet it gets taken for granted, covered in magnets and notes no one reads, schedules and calendars, coupons and menus. Buried and forgotten, mistreated by miscreant teenagers who peer longingly, attracting penguins who also appear only to be slammed shut and blamed for the lack of insight into food. "There's nothing in there. There's NEVER anything in the fridge...Mom! we need groceries!!! The fridge is empty.".
I challenge you...go to your fridge and make a meal with just what you find. Leftovers don't count.
Balsamic Vinegar and Vanilla Ice Cream doesn't count either. It isn't a challenge, it's.....exquisite.
It doesn't rattle or moan (although it does sigh on occasion).Sometimes it's full, sometimes it's quite empty. It does keep things quite cold. The freezer works but it's kind of eenie meenie, and for one guy it can get quite full. I don't know if you've noticed but shopping for one person has some challenges in the grocery store. "BULK BUYS" and "CLUB PACKS" are all the rage, soaking the consumer to buy more and save. I do too, I just end up freezing more and thus my eenie meenie freezer can be quite full. I don't have to go to Costco to buy too much shit, but I still like Costco.
The little shelves are reasonably adjustable, except for the fridge door. They're reasonably useless for anything but....hmmmmm....letsee.....chipotle mango dipping sauce, marinated garlic, HP, Strawberry Jam, Dijon Mustard, Yellow Mustard, Sundried Tomatoes, Ketchup, Teriyaki Sauce, Worcestershire Sauce. Eggs don't fit in the egg thing, but I put my old cheddar there anyways.
I don't know. Refrigerators are like the unsung hero of the movies and television. Oh Brother! you say?. Really. Always the setup for the attack in the kitchen, the rendezvous or help carry and give life to the "kitchen party". The refrigerator took a beating in Mr & Mrs Smith and who could forget its voyeuristic role in 9 1/2 weeks. Yet it gets taken for granted, covered in magnets and notes no one reads, schedules and calendars, coupons and menus. Buried and forgotten, mistreated by miscreant teenagers who peer longingly, attracting penguins who also appear only to be slammed shut and blamed for the lack of insight into food. "There's nothing in there. There's NEVER anything in the fridge...Mom! we need groceries!!! The fridge is empty.".
I challenge you...go to your fridge and make a meal with just what you find. Leftovers don't count.
Balsamic Vinegar and Vanilla Ice Cream doesn't count either. It isn't a challenge, it's.....exquisite.
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Post in your blog, yo.
Okay, so.....Apparently some people, at least ONE anyways, do read my ramblings. I suspect two people. I'm sort of short on things to write about. My mind is curiously a barren wasteland currently. Short on miscellaneous ramblings.
Geeves cleaned my living room. Does that count? It took him 20 minutes after getting side tracked by the box of AA batteries which he found only fit in the XBOX controller, after checking all the other remotes, flashlights oh, and the nose hair trimmer (which wasn't in the living room. It was in the South wing near the spa.)
The maid tidied up the master suite. Yet again, too many pillows on the bed. I suppose I was meant to beat myself with them all, singular one sided pillow fight. I have no idea of the victor. I shall have to talk to her about that.
The cook....well, has been very imaginative lately but certainly has taken this portion thing under close scrutiny. Trying to get seconds has been rebuked. And desserts, well, I never ate them anyways.
And it's hurricane like outside...Sideways rain and very strong gusting winds. Better than snow, I shall not bitch.
That is all.
Geeves cleaned my living room. Does that count? It took him 20 minutes after getting side tracked by the box of AA batteries which he found only fit in the XBOX controller, after checking all the other remotes, flashlights oh, and the nose hair trimmer (which wasn't in the living room. It was in the South wing near the spa.)
The maid tidied up the master suite. Yet again, too many pillows on the bed. I suppose I was meant to beat myself with them all, singular one sided pillow fight. I have no idea of the victor. I shall have to talk to her about that.
The cook....well, has been very imaginative lately but certainly has taken this portion thing under close scrutiny. Trying to get seconds has been rebuked. And desserts, well, I never ate them anyways.
And it's hurricane like outside...Sideways rain and very strong gusting winds. Better than snow, I shall not bitch.
That is all.
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