I had the "pleasure" of working with a vegetarian yesterday. It was fine until he made his thoughts known. It didn't go well from there. We were, correction I was, driving past a field of cattle, lots of calfs, male and female, lots of cows and a bull (sort of a surly looking big bugger too...). I commented at the calfs frolicking in the field. "Hey now, stop that. Walk, don't run....stay tender." You'd think I shot his dog. After vociferously letting his view known about how that was mean, blah, blah, blah...we shouldn't eat them, yada, yada,yada, of course I couldn't resist starting on something that went with "especially veal, which obviously these aren't...they're running about". He had probably crucified my with nails made of carrots given the chance, so I continued to listen to diatribe with an ever growing grin. He said "how'd you like to be locked in pen unable to move and then at a young age taken out and killed". Well, it sort of went like this....
"I have driven cattle, branded cattle, castrated cattle (even been shown castrators by a father of a girl I once dated but that's another story). They are stubborn, stupid, mean and ornery creatures and it's not a surprise we eat them. It called the food chain, I'm on it, reasonably high at the top. You can tell, my eyes are in the front of my head, not sticking out the sides weary of predators. You sit there and tell me it's mean, etc for us to eat them. Why? Really. Why is it mean? They were raised for food. That is their lot in life. To provide sustenance, and man being generally lazy keeps them handy, because it's a lot like work to go out and find them, thus we have a fence. They didn't have an aspiring career in law or politics, no forth coming education at Bovine U. There purpose is to feed MOST of us that enjoy diving into a tasty morsel or two of red meat.
They don't look for a way out of there fence, they're not banging on the gate with a tin cup mooing to let us be free". They're not organised Martin Luther King-like to have the free the leather bound citizens. Nope. They were born fenced, live fenced and will perish that way, providing me an additional option from which to feast. And never fear, they won't kill them all....gosh that doesn't make business sense."
I was given a queried, annoyed look. "What!?"
"Goodness no, lad. Cows make money!! Cows have calfs, calfs are worth money. Calf s grow the herd. Cows grow up. Bulls grow up. Cows make more cows and so on. Those bulls are typically what your chopping on at the grocery store, well....maybe not you, but some of us. We only eat the boys mostly, until the cows get older and more useless.."
"what!!?"
"Well, cows have calfs. If three cows have calfs the herd is now six. and so on. You can do the math in your own time. How many cows, given one calf per cow all getting preggers would it take to make a herd of 40.......well?"
"uhhh...I don't really think..."
"It takes 20, try to get into the spirit of the conversation, you started it. How many bulls does it take to make 20 cows pregnant?"
"I don't know" now reasonably disgusted, but no where to go.
"well, assuming verile and young and in the mood which they typically are, lets go with 1"
"whatever"
"So, assuming 20 calfs, bringing the herd to 40 and a profitable year for Farmer Bill, his cows produce only 5 of those calfs as male. He might keep one if his stud is getting on, but the others go to market, some get picked up as a stud, some really go from market to market, dressed and cut and wrapped in best brown paper or plastic wrap and styro if there isn't a butcher shop. from there they hit my grill."
"I don't want to not recognise your viewpoint. To each there own, eat whatever you want I could care less but don't point your finger at me. Your just as bad."
"I don't kill animals"
"I suppose, in the common reasonable viewpoint not. But, there's always a but, what about broccoli and carrots and lettuce and all the other veges?"
"what/"
"you kill them, they don't leap onto your plate with the snap of a finger do they?"
"they're not alive"
"no? So growing veges is not the development of a seed into a living thing. Do they not use air and water? are they not carbon based? Do they not have a maturity, and are they not young? Do you not pick or cut them in their prime? Do we not distinguish inferior ones from superior ones? Do you not eat the best ones and discard the inferior? "
"yeah, but it isn't a life as in a person"
"we aren't and haven't been talking about people. We are talking about moo-cows and carrots. People even have labelled the tasty ones as babies. I didn't make that up. Baby carrots are labelled that way in the store..labelled BABY CARROTS !!! Oh what a tragedy...baby killing."
"but they don't feel it. no feelings. no pain. no suffering. Your..."
"Do you know that? Have you had a chat with a cow or bull and found them to be morose and depressed? Sad about his or her impending date with the plate? I haven't. Haven't talked to a broccoli either. Think about the all the baby broccoli without parents suddenly, all the forlorn lettuce suddenly having the kids torn from them roots and all. I don't care what you think. Believe what you want. Eat what you want. But don't task me about wanting the cows to stay tender...I like Beef. I like Pork. I like whatever. I like veggies too."
"Whatever..."
"Your probably a conspiracy theorist too..."
"well, not really..."
"Wait, we'll get to that, I just want to bring up one more thing up. Suppose your right. Suppose there's a news flash all across the land and everyone immediately stops eating beef, or meat for that matter. Then what? What do we do with the critters then? Open the gates and wish them a bon voyage on their new lives? Hope they strive for education and betterment of themselves....they're free now. We don't need them. Millions of 'em.....roaming, or perhaps starting a career at the 7-11. "moooooo....can I help yoooooooou."."
"Your kind of dick tonight"
"You started it. Care to engage me on conspiracies?"
"No".
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